The Four Steps of Nonviolent Communication: A Guide to Transforming Relationships
When I first encountered Nonviolent Communication (NVC) during a session with my chiropractor, Garret, I had no idea how profoundly it would impact my life. As I asked him questions after our session, he introduced me to a “needs and feelings” chart. I felt a mix of curiosity and confusion; I had never considered that my feelings and needs could be articulated so clearly. Garret patiently explained the concept, and while it took time for me to grasp it fully, something clicked during our conversation.
This moment sparked a deeper exploration into NVC, leading me to watch countless videos by Marshall Rosenberg. I realized that the skills I was learning could help me communicate more effectively with my business partners and improve my relationships overall. I had been struggling to express my needs and felt overwhelmed by conflicts that seemed to arise out of nowhere. Through role-playing scenarios with Garret, I learned how to approach conversations differently—focusing on connection instead of conflict.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can be a powerful tool for improving your relationships. Here are the four key steps and examples of how to apply them effectively.
- Observation: Start by sharing what you observe without judgment.
- Example: Instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try, "I noticed that when I speak during our meetings, you often look at your phone."
- Feelings: Express how you feel about what you observed.
- Example: Instead of saying, "This makes me angry," say, "I feel overlooked and frustrated when this happens."
- Needs: Identify the needs that are causing your feelings.
- Example: Replace, "You need to pay attention to me," with, "I need connection and understanding during our conversations."
- Request: Make a clear, doable request without demanding.
- Example: Rather than saying, "You need to stop using your phone," say, "Would you be willing to put your phone away during our discussions?"
As Marshall Rosenberg famously said, “The greatest gift we can give to others is our presence.” By following these steps, you can enhance your presence in conversations and foster deeper connections.
I encourage you to try out these principles and see how they can transform your interactions. If you have any questions or want to share your experiences, feel free to reach out! Let’s explore this journey together and witness the positive changes it can bring to your life.
